i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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