worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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