is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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