Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
