I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize