i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
