dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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