all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
