Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
