Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
