i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
