Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
