ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
