I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
