I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
