There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
