I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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