I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
