Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
