Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
