I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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