I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
