so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
