I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
