"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
