i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
