Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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