very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
