if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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