K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
