so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
