God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
