we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
