i think my mom watched the whole time
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need a beard to bite.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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