I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
