She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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