5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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