glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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