he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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