another moral hangover. fuck.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
