i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
