I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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