the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
