I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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