Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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