dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
