Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
