A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
