one two three fourrrrnication!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize