masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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