airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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