Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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