You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
