I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
