We should be called the Road Head Warriors
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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