Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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