One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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