we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
